


hurt

by fanfoolishness (LoonyLupin), LoonyLupin



Series: Starshine Over Beach City: Moments from Steven Universe [34]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Series Finale, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23354512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/fanfoolishness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/LoonyLupin
Summary: Steven told Connie it didn't hurt.  It wasn't quite a lie.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Series: Starshine Over Beach City: Moments from Steven Universe [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523993
Comments: 12
Kudos: 251





	hurt

He’d told Connie it didn’t hurt.

And it didn’t, not in the way it probably looked, not in the way Steven remembered from so many falls and fights and hits. It wasn’t like _that –_ a bone-deep throb, a searing crush, the swift fading of the feeling that meant his gem was saving him again.

It hurt in a different way, deeper than bone, as his body swelled and bulged and rippled. It felt like his gem screaming, like a hollow boring through him, gutting him from the inside out. It felt like control slipping through his fingers, like being small and weak and powerless again. It felt that way even as his head crashed into the hospital ceiling, even as he staggered through the palace halls the size of a Diamond, even as he dwarfed the familiar surroundings of his bedroom.

Even as he doubled over, his breath catching in his throat, Jasper’s shards digging into his palm again, his head searing from where he’d smashed his face into the pillar –

Even as he remembered just how he’d failed them all, failed to live up to what they needed him to be, how wrong and messed up he was –

Even as the monster poured out of him.

***

He couldn’t see, at first. Couldn’t understand. He could only see their faces, the hurt in their eyes, shocked and horrified at what he really was. 

_Monster. Monster. Monster._

He howled with it. Thrashed with it. The house crumbled around him, and his claws dug into the sand of the beach, and it didn’t hurt, not like that –

So then why did he keep screaming?

***

He came back to himself slowly. He was small and damp and naked huddled in a blanket, and his family gazed down at him.

Their faces wore smiles, concern, love. He didn’t deserve it. But he remembered what they’d said – faintly, as if through static and charge – and he swallowed. _We love you, Steven._

Lion’s nose was cold and wet, pressed to his cheek. Words failed him. The apology died in his throat, smothered by Lion’s nuzzle.

He laughed at first. The tears were clean in his eyes, streaking down his face. He laughed until it wasn’t really laughter anymore, until it was something darker and realer, until he choked on his sobs, until his breath was ragged. He wept, and they let him, and he felt as if he’d finally come up for air.

He shivered in his blanket, exhausted, face pressed into Lion’s soft fur. The tears finally slowed. He felt Connie’s hand, sweet and gentle, on his cheek.

And it didn’t hurt at all.

**Author's Note:**

> CRYING FOREVER FOR MY SON  
> HE DESERVES ALL THE SOFT HAPPILY EVER AFTERS  
> I'M SO GLAD HE'S GETTING THERAPY  
> I'M SO HAPPY FOR HIM  
> AHHHHHH


End file.
